“I was going to arrest her for evading”

Ok….I hate surprises on Sunday morning, but I mostly hate surprises when I haven’t had my coffee….I’m trying to make coffee and my cell phone rings….

“honey, you need to come..policeman is here”…

“What..a policeman??..where are you…?  ”

“Policeman wants to see papers..you need to come..!!..”

“…come where..honey where are you..??…”

(ok..this is where my heart rate goes from 132 over 74..to 220 over  274…)

“I’m on exit of 10 freeway…”

” exit…which exit..”

“I dont know…”

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“Psssstt….Governor…it’s time to get up…there’s a rally today”….

..”Psssttt….governor..you need to wake up”..”what”..”you need to get up..there’s going to be a rally today”….”Where”.. “Here..at the capitol”….”ok..let me get some coffee…”

“Psssttt…..Cesar..you need to get up”.. ..”Why?”…. “because we’re marching on the capitol today”…”Why are we marching?…because we want to complain about farm workers rights!!….”oh Si,..where’s the coffee..”.

Psssttt…..Komrade…”yes”..”its time for the rally at the  capitol”…Rally…”you know screaming and shouting..at the government”…”the government..oh yea..  this IS America….go to that 7 Eleven store and get some coffee..”

Ring…Ring…”hello”…room 243..”yea”..its 6:00..this is your  Motel  6 wake up call…”oh yea..where can I get some coffee?.”….”I don’t know… try the 7 Eleven..” Continue reading

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“Germs, your friends are in the Germ business…should I ask what kind?”

..If you read my last blog.about the dinner with the Research Scientist, it reminded me of one of my trips to China..(think Germs)…we visited a city (small) that really got me to thinking about the past. My new Chinese wife that I met on a Chinese dating site, said to me one night in the hotel.. “Dear”..she’s so polite, she calls me dear…”my friends have invited us to dinner”..”Oh cool..a chance to practice my Chinese and hopefully not call anyone a goat or anything”..we get a “Welcome to my Taxi” ..I always laugh, in China you  get a recorded “Welcome”…in a taxi…in New York its..a gruff… “Uptown or Downtown”…in La..well who are we kidding there aren’t any taxis..anyway..as we’re riding to their house…I asked her about her friends and what kind of job they have..she said in broken English “GERMS”..”GERMS”..your friends are in the germ business? What kind of Germ business? Continue reading

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“Quick,we need a Research Scientist..find one”

..I had dinner with a research scientist last night..didn’t want you to think I just hung out with radio geeks or horsey types..matter of fact I haven’t been in a country bar in 20 or so years…when I use to have two or three beers, that led to two or three more, and suddenly I couldn’t find the door…so I gave it up for the gym..how much Muscle Milk can you drink? (I do love that stuff) Suppose you have four or five..it just makes you want to do another set of deadlifts.. and…..AAAHHHH.. Continue reading

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“SEND A HELICOPTER FOR ME…. RIGHT NOW”

….You  know I love horses, and like a lot of other horse people,we all assume every one else loves horses as much as we do.I was watching Millionaire Matchmaker the other night on their 5th anniversary show, and the owner Patti Stanger is the one looking for love. Her date was a horseback ride..so she talked about how much she loves horses….back a few years ago in Sacramento, on another Thanksgiving weekend..I was dating a girl named Annie, (this was pre Chinese dating sites and the internet)… it was her first trail ride, she said she loved horses…so, to me and my pal Patty, no big deal….we’ve got a couple of days off…Let’s do 30 miles of the Tevis trail … Continue reading

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“yes, and I’ll have a glass of fermented mares milk”

..If you thought my last History lesson was good..try one that’s about 1,376 years old. On my last trip to China,I told my wife I wanted to head Southwest toward Yunnan Province, I am fascinated by Tea and all the industry, customs, and history that are associated with it in China. Ok..the story goes something like this..there was a Chinese princess..somehow, and without the help of the internet and a Chinese dating site… she meets or hears about a Tibetan King..he thinks she’s hot.. she thiinks he’s rich..anyway they get married, and she’s off to Tibet….

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“Send a news guy now, they’re gonna blow up the bank”

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If you read my last blog,..you will realize that I am teaching my new Chinese wife our history of the USA and California. I am lucky, I have lived some of it..this past week we hosted a couple from Tennessee, he is an overseas pilot flying to China at least once a month. He met his wife as I did, at CHN LOVE, the Chinese dating website ..I showed him my website Chinese Happy Endings.com and explained my “Happy Endings” concept. My wife still wants to run for office(more on that later)and she still rails against the government in China..so the topic was politics,…and history…but today, you will appreciate this blog even more..why? …because there’s a little History in it..and if you’re old enough to remember these events… great, if you’re under thirty, pay attention, this is a real history lesson. Ok,  with a little Jack Daniels (did I mention he’s from Tennessee)..we talked more politics, Herman Cain, Mitt Romney..and hmmm..who is the third one I would eliminate …oh yes,.. Rick Perry.. and considering what’s going on with the occupy New York and LA and all the other cities..this is how radicalism  all begins…. Continue reading

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“…I’ve got a long list of real good reasons, for all the things I’ve done….”

..Maybe it all started in ’63..I showed up for the divorce proceeding, she didn’t..the judge leaned over the bench, pointed his long finger at me and said, ” I’m giving custody of this kid to you…now you’re just a kid yourself”….I’m 19, I quickly and very boldly stated..”like I said you’re just a kid yourself..do you have any help to raise this one year old child? ” My grandmother” I said..”where does she live”..about 110 miles away ..ok then, “here’s the way it’s gonna be.” Continue reading

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“MAYBE THERE’S A DEAD BODY UNDER HER BED”….

If.. you are a regular to my blog..and If you’ve read most of my stories… you will probably think, nobody could have had a life this crazy,  but all my stories are real, and as I look back..I wonder why I was destined to meet all these nutty people..I guess I was just naieve,..recently my new Chinese wife and I were driving through Santa Barbara and thoughts of the old Hotel.. came back….it was a mysterious place..DARK… BIG.. TREES… Continue reading

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“Mamas..don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys”…

..I know deep down in every man’s heart, there’s a longing to ride the range..strap on a six gun … and ride out after the bad guys..Roy Rogers was always my favorite, remember in the movie Die Hard, when Bruce Willis said “just call me Roy” to the terrorist..I had a Roy Rogers, hat ,boots, jeans, guns..hell I would have had a Roy Rogers I -Phone …One day I turned around and I was 37, and I said..”honey I want a horse”..see all my life my mom had said we can’t afford a horse..well  now I was the boss (in my  mind) so I’m getting a horse..off to Santa Ynez California I go, and directly to the nearest  horse ranch..now I’m the proud owner of a gelding..for you non horse folks that’s a horse that has been…. Continue reading

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